Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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