Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
