This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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