Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
