You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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