I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
