I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
