I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
