I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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