I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
