I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
