Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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