dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize