Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
