Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
