We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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