I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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