Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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