I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
