my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
