her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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