So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
