I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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