Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
