"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
