Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize