i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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