I don't remember. Are we still dating?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
