GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
