he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize