Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
