dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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