I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
