it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
