I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
