This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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