Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
