Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize