how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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