Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
