They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dear god my vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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