I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
