if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
