you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
