i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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