i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
