I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
