I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
