I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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