My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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