She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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