Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
