Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
