Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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