Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
