Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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