It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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