I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
