Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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