just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
