I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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