Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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