is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
