He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize