the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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