ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
