a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
