last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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