so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
NoShamevember. You game?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
