i don't like sucking hair
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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